A few months back, I ended a four year relationship. Before you start the ‘eeyah, kpele, I have been there, men are the same, the lord will comfort you’ talks, let me state categorically that I was glad it ended. It does not mean I was not hurt; in fact I was an emotional wreck for months. I mean I loved Quincy like kilode. My Quincy – fair, stout and handsome. He had the knack for knowing exactly my mood even without telling him. Witty, caring, ever smiling and had a bounce that was both funny and cool. He was every lady’s dream; those in my caucus, of course. We met in an unusual manner in secondary school. He was a military personnel and I, a final year senior secondary school student. He was my first love. I was this naïve and very religious young lady. Talk about hot lava zeal to pull down the kingdom of hell, I had it nyafu nyafu. He on the other hand was this bad ass guy. Till today I don’t know what made me fall for him. My friends kept asking, it was like a lamb proclaiming undying love for a lion. I guess it was the thrill of finally getting to be ‘in a relationship’.
Our love was sweeter than Romeo and Juliet’s, I was the envy of all hot babes around. Nobody understood why this cool, hot dude would date a girl who does not make up or wear earrings and worse still, spends all her time in the church. That is like a summary of who I am. That is not to say I do not jazzy oh, at least in my own little way I do. So after four long years of devoting myself to Quincy, after loving with body, soul and spirit, my sweetheart started acting up. It was shortly after his approval to go on course. I tried to find out what happened and he kept giving excuses. So we had a partial break-up. Months later he called and started apologising. I was glad and I just decided to suffer him a little before I accepted him again. I was not prepared for what came next.
I called a friend of ours that was close to us both and asked her opinion on the issue. She answered hesitantly and I was bothered. I told her to come out clean, as a friend does she think I should accept or not. That was when the explosion came. It was like where a trailer “jam” someone as Nigerians would say. I discovered my Quincy had been playing me 419 all this while. He was dating my friend as at then. One thing led to the other and I discovered that he had been dating both of us for the past four years and neither knew. I was mad. How could I have been fooled all the while? Why didn’t my friend tell me? I became a detective overnight. Further investigations and I discovered that he had gotten both of us by telling each that the other was a friend and both of us had foolishly believed. Like I said earlier he was witty but I realised he was also crafty.
I called chairman and demanded why he will be asking me out when he was already seeing someone. Baba said he does not understand. I angrily but patiently explained to him. When he discovered he was in a corner, baba started talking gibberish. That was when he dropped the bombshell and said that he had done nothing wrong, he had only put social laws to test all those while and even now. I demanded he explain and baba said that he never recalled telling any of us that he loved us oh. That he was only in a social relationship with us. At that instant all the bells in my head started ringing but for the fact that the conversation was on phone, I would have done something I would have regretted.
End of story, we broke up permanently. I could not thank God enough. I came out of that relationship spotless. I was glad that I had not given in to his numerous sexual overtures. Thanks to the youth fellowship and all the relationship seminars. Looking back, I realise it was really not Quincy’s fault. The signs had been there all the while but I just chose not to notice them. He rarely ever told me that he loved me and when I asked if he did truly love me, he started this emotional speeches of how I knew the answer to the question but was just trying to make him look less concerned with the relationship. He always got me with those talks. The truth is that these players, whether male or female are people that understand human psychology a great deal and they practically use their unsuspecting partners for sociology practical.
I know we all want to love and be loved but it is also necessary that we be sure if we want the real deal or we just want to put social laws to play. In case you are confused as to the definition of social laws, It is just dating with the purpose of having fun whilst claiming to be emotionally attached to that person and putting up a serious façade to gender loyalty from the person and yet it is all a big joke. That is according to Quincy’s definition. The definition changes according to the terms and conditions of the play boy or girl but the common factor is that IT IS ALL A BIG JOKE, you know JUST FOR FUN.
It is very necessary that you know what you need and deserve before going into any relationship. You have to be spiritually, physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally prepared before you take the plunge. And when you do sweetheart, determine if you want social laws or the real deal. If you are getting the social laws treatment, you will know because the relationship will be one sided with you labouring for the success of the relationship and your partner doing nothing but giving excuses when you question their lack of love, care, support etc. Do not overlook these signs when you see them. Due to love for your partner, you tend to give excuses for his or her shortcomings even when it becomes glaring that this person does not care. You really have to be careful not to do this by being true to yourself and calling a spade a spade. If you are married, I am so sorry but you have no option than to hold on and pray your way through. Do not think divorce. But if you are not, please and please take a walk. You are a human being and your emotions are sacred. It is not some joke to be toyed with.
Spare yourself the agony of heartbreaks because believe me, it is not worth it. Being in a relationship is not a do or die affair. If you cannot handle it stay away and stop joking with people’s emotions. And if you must go into one, determine that you will give and take the real deal. As much as we abhor substandard goods and services, we must abhor substandard love and relationships as well. I will advise we do a relationship check-up. You never know what the result might be.