Valentine Special: Two Sides of the Relationship Coin | by Tejuoso Olamide

A Woman’s Love is to be Treasured
After series of morning calls, noon picnics, evening strolls and dinners; I couldn’t believe this relationship had ended like a whisper of smoke. Some of my female colleagues said I was even lucky he respected me enough to tell me it was over. It was new year eve and this was his wonderful resolution – to break up. I cried-walked for days, losing taste of food and moping under the burden enthroned in my heart. My throat shrunk and lengthened, that my mom thought I was sick. Well, you could say I was love-sick.

Days passed, witnessing my unending tears and prayers, vainly wishing the whole cause would turn out to be a joke. Oh, young love; so crazy, so sweet. I loved him so much but he seemingly couldn’t see it.

A week later, my loneliness was getting unbearable and I needed a companion. I longed for a gentle heart to talk to, so I sought out for him. He wouldn’t even pick my calls again. Was he not the same guy who told me he wouldn’t live a day without me? Men and their lips, I thought, smacking my lips to prevent tears. Didn’t he promise me an undying love? How attached I was to those words… Ah, I was but a fool to have believed him. I felt neglected, rejected, unwanted, dumped like a bag of decayed potatoes, broken and mashed up. I was helpless to my weakness. 

So…so, one evening, after several months of mourning my lost love, I shook off the sadness, dressed up and took a long walk down the street; proclaiming and repeating to the wind – ” Damn any man that comes my way ”
     *                          *                          *

Wait, wait… Don’t swipe at your eyes yet, nor pity yourself. Maybe you’ve been a victim of such circumstance. You thought he had real feelings for you only to discover his charm and sweet talks were beautiful advancing arrows meant to later pierce you. 

Take heed before you lose it completely, it’s high time you realized you needed to heal. Take it, you needn’t suffer or die for anyone that has played a fling of your genuine feelings. It is understandable that it might prove difficult to ignore the wound after being bruised by the one you cherished, but lashing every other suitor with the whip weaved out of your painful past is not the way out, neither is it a way forward. Indeed, you felt bad, making you tune your mind to believe that all men imbibe the same spirit; trust me, there are still guys, I mean men of concrete integrity. 

The Yorubas will say, ” Ta baa diju keeyan buruku koja, Eni ree a lo”- (If you close your eyes for the Wicked to pass by, the Good will pass unseen). Now you’re being extremely apprehensive, refusing to confide in anyone, but do know that you might lose good friends in the process of getting your pieces pieced. Honestly, it’s harder than what you expected and that’s because it’s a heart matter.

First things first, if your relationship never worked out, then believe it was never meant to be. See that jilt as an avenue for a better person that’ll appreciate your worth to take the mantle. A woman’s love is meant to be treated with utmost respect and care like an egg. This has nothing to do with being ‘the weaker vessel’. So men, you’d better be careful with your ‘brave utterances’. Do not at anytime nor for any reason treat women with contempt, else she results into something nasty at your detriment or even hers. If you’re sure you love a woman, ensure you show it whole-heartedly. Hades possesses no fury like a scorned woman.

Finally, before launching into an intimate relationship with someone, be sure convinced that your partner feels the same way as you do. Conviction breeds trust. The absence of assurance gives a ventilated atmosphere to trust issues, hence the need to confirm that you’re on same page.

And to our gentlemen, when a woman loves, in most cases it’s for real. So never lead her on to bear her emotions at your mercy when you’re not ready reciprocate it.

Meanwhile ladies, beware of actions that may interfere with the present to trigger regrets that can permanently dent the future. 

Stay lovely in love!
A Man’s Love is to be Cherished

“I don’t want to do this anymore; I’ve found happiness elsewhere. I’m sorry Peter; it can’t just work with us. I know you’d do anything for our love to stay, but my feelings for you are no more…”

It took the creaking door caused by the breeze to jolt me to reality that I was the broken hearted. I gazed back at the phone clasped by my trembling fingers and read the text message over and over again, wishing its bitter contents could pass over me. It was over between us. The message was explicit enough. Unable to bolt my convulsing emotions, I broke down in tears…

Tola and I acquainted so well during our university days, and as fate would have it, we were posted as youth corps to serve in the same state and unbelievably to work in the same company. Thereafter, I soon discovered we both wanted more out of our friendship, so I pushed it. It didn’t take long to get a ‘Yes’ from her after popping the big question. 

I was head over heels in love with her that I never wanted her out of my sight. And that was the beginning of this end I never envisaged.

We would talk for hours after work, even overnight till we both fell asleep. Her love for me despite her seldom confession of it was far beyond doubts. She could hardly hide her jealousy whenever I mentioned other girls. She was so protective of me as I was of her. I loved her to the extent of tending to develop insomnia if I didn’t see her in a day. 

After some time, her eyes began to lose those sparks that usually cracked anytime  she saw me. She would ignore my chats and later apologize, giving excuses of being busy or sleeping off.

It was going to be our third year together last December, so I called to ask her out for Christmas shopping. She didn’t pick my calls, making me become worried. After series of calls meeting dead ends, I left her a voice mail, asking her to call me back on receiving it. Being a good girl that she was, she did call back and was all ‘sorry’ and ‘sorry’ over the phone. She even told me she loved me. And I forgave her.

While at work the following week, I got all jumpy and depressed. Bad combo, right?  It was Christmas eve, but my Tola had travelled home to her parents for the festivity. I arrived home that evening only to receive that cruel text message

My heart was torn; I never cheated on her, no! I couldn’t decipher where I went wrong; Tola just nailed my emotions to a stake of torment…

We had nursed plans of a potential family together, even naming our unborn children. Memories of moments we used to talk about how we would celebrate our 50th anniversary together with our large family hovered and faded away like smoke from a cigarette;

I tried to save us, motivating myself and went to her parents, begging and pleading that she came back to me, but it was a woeful attempt… 

Even now that I’ve decided to move on, I doubt I’ll ever hand a woman full trust again…

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Well…well…well, to start with, that was a narrative well related, but mind you, it could be someone’s story. After surfing the internet and extracted people’s opinions about my other article, ‘A woman’s love is to be Treasured’, I realised men also get hurt in relationships. Although, most of them might hide behind the toughness of masculinity about the aftermath of heart breaks and jilts, it’s not too easy for them too. 

I once thought  ‘big boys’ don’t cry, however I have seen men shed tears relaying their past experiences as regards heart matters.

Now dear Peter, wherever you are, please note that NOT ‘all women are the same’. Some of us could be selfish and indecisive anyway, but still, these doesn’t make us birds of a feather, if I may say. You might have been blackmailed or made look foolish by love; I understand. Surely, it hurts like hell to be rejected, by a lady. As I stated in the other article, first things first; if your relationship never worked, trust me, it was never meant to be. Don’t try forcing it or even beg your way for love. Be a Man! 

Oh, did you just say she made you feel less handsome or wanted? The Bible recorded Jesus facing more scorn, yet that never made him less the good man He was. So, brace up your heart, not being ‘too careful’, but of course guarding your heart diligently to avoid ending up with another heart breaker, yet applying a great deal of wisdom and seeking the Creator’s guidance. 

Depression, nurturing suicidal thoughts, ranting or drunkenness will only inflict more pain on the existing woes, dear lover. Just do the right things. Take a bold step by genuinely dealing with your fears, discard your past and live life. There you are! The best moments are before you…

Lest I forget, dear ladies, never take a man’s love for granted. If he says and shows he loves you and you’re utterly convinced and available, why not respect his love and cherish it or politely turn him down if you’re uninterested, instead of toying with his sensitivities.

Happy Valentine!

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